Flarrow Shenanigans
by Seisyll
Summary: Drabbles-some connected, some not. I just need more of a friends/family dynamic between Team Arrow and Team Flash. So here's self indulgent interactions between the favourites. Feat. the respective arrow/flash teams and their (all alive) friends. (aka f*ck the timeline, I do what I want.) Rated for language. Background relationships. Taking requests. More details inside.
1. Friends That Double as Garbage Disposals

**A/N: Hi, so Tommy and Eddie are alive. Because. Everyone deserves to be happy, okay?**

 **This is kind of a floating timeline. Set somewhere before Flash season 3 and before mid Arrow season 4 (mainly before the crossover episode with Vandal Savage and the start to Legends of Tomorrow). Speaking of LoT, might also bring some of those characters in, as well. Just for something to look forward to.**

 **I don't think there's enough content about these dorks using their abilities and/or powers in their day-to-day lives.**

 **If there are any spelling errors, please let me know! Feedback of any kind is appreciated.**

 **Open to prompts or ideas for future chapters. :)**

 **Onward and upward!**

-x-

Oliver drummed his fingers against the desk in front of him as he pressed the 'call' button next to Barry Allen's contact information on his fancy smart phone Tommy needled him into buying. (What happened to regular old flip phones? Less complicated.)

" _Oliver! Wasaa~ap!_ "

Oliver jumped at the sudden greeting. Had the phone even rang?

"...Barry."

" _You're no fun._ "

"I'm aware. I have a dilemma."

" _You need backup? You know I've got your back, Ollie._ " Oliver felt warmth fill him at Barry's words, and leaned forward to shut the lid of his work computer and then leaned back in his seat for something to do with it.

"It's something like that. You know that large charity fundraiser a week ago?"

" _Talk about a publicity stunt and a half to keep up appearances. I almost wish I was there to see it happen in person._ "

Oliver hummed and continued, "Well, we have a lot of leftover food we need to get rid of. The shelters around us won't take anymore because it's all perishable and they don't want to run the risk of getting people sick so we don't want to-hello?" Oliver pulled the phone back from his ear to inspect when loud static filled the speakers.

He looked up in time to see Felicity get attacked on all sides by flying paper through the glass window of his office. To Felicity's credit, she didn't really react.

Oliver glanced over at the one seat to the side of his desk that he had dubbed Thea's-only because she had dragged it so close to sit and breathe over his neck and be a general lovable nuance-to see Barry beaming at him.

"You had me at 'food'." He said cheerily.

Oliver fondly rolled his eyes.


	2. Shoo Fly, Don't Bother Me

**A/N: some discussion about powers and morals**

 **also dorks being dorks**

 **Oliver tries to get their respective teams to train together. Of course, everyone gets distracted.**

-x-

Oliver had taken Barry and his team back out to the warehouse on the outskirts of Central early in the morning in the hopes of getting the other man up to a better level of awareness in combat. Barry had a habit of becoming single minded and focused on one thing in the heat of battle, therefore very easy to sneak up on or outsmart.

The morning had actually been spent by Cisco and Diggle discussing which action genre movies made in the past five or six years Oliver, apparently, absolutely had to watch, with Caitlin and Felicity bonding over musicals-when asked to sing, Caitlin had nervously laughed and changed the subject to some science current event he didn't know about and therefore tuned out (Oliver wasn't too keen on current events in general anymore).

Barry, himself, had been using his speed non-stop to catch various projectiles shot at him and cheekily put them back into Oliver's quiver without stopping long enough for Oliver to get a close ranged hit in. (When Oliver told him he shouldn't be using his powers and to face him hand-to-hand, Barry had said, "Ah, no. I'm not falling for that one again. Thanks," as well as grumbling about not being a pin cushion-although his words were warbled and a bit hard to make out as he was zipping by Oliver and around the warehouse floor while saying them.)

In the spirit of letting their teams recuperate and just talk (because apparently, Oliver mused, no one was much into getting down to business, as proven by a whiny "dude, it's way too hot for this," from their resident graphic T-shirt obsessed nerd friend), the archer had called a break and let their respective teams mingle as he, himself, went to go through and pack various weapons and equipment he had brought in their unmarked van. He resigned himself to having them meet up and train the following weekend; Oliver was in Central City for a business venture with Kord Industries, anyway, so he'd be staying for a while.

Oliver walked back into the warehouse to see Barry staring intently at something in front of him. He had dropped in a crouch and looked as intimidating as Oliver hoped he would when trying to train him in hand-to-hand combat earlier in the day.

Reacting, Oliver let himself drop into a fighting stance as well, quickly casing the room with ease, trying to find the source of Barry's concern.

He heard Felicity's heels click behind him and her quiet "oof" as she didn't stop as quickly as he did, clumsily running into him and dropping her tablet on the unforgiving concrete.

Barry didn't move at the clatter and his eyes narrowed into slits.

After a couple of beats of silence, Oliver, confused, slowly righted himself and opened his mouth to ask for the situation-when Barry made a sudden quick hand movement, both arms blurring out of focus. Oliver's ears were then promptly assaulted with the sound of a sonic boom.

Felicity flailed backwards and caught herself on the frame of the door, glasses askew and eyes wide. Oliver, himself, had dropped back into a crouch and covered his ears with his hands.

"HA! Got it." Barry crowed, looking entirely too self satisfied.

"Dude, ever heard of over-kill?" Cisco called from Oliver's left, gnawing on a lollipop. Oliver decidedly did not jump at his appearance. He would have sensed Cisco there-he's serious-if his ears hadn't been ringing so loudly.

"Wait-" Felicity starts.

"Fly has been bugging me all day." Barry elaborated impishly, shooting them a small smile from across the warehouse.

"...Barry, you're fast enough... You could have just caught it." Oliver pointed out.

Barry frowned at that.

"So nice he couldn't hurt a fly is ruled out. Fly is brutally murdered. Peace be with it." Cisco teased, walking further in the room to stop by his friend as Barry stared at the palms of his hands with an aghast expression on his face.

Cisco looked over at his hands, too, "Well, I don't see bug guts. You missed it."

"No...I definitely felt it..." Barry mused, squinting at his hands.

"Gross." Cisco put in, sounding impressed.

"It's just..I think I may have atomised it...?" Barry trailed off, looking back up to Cisco to gauge his expression.

Oliver's eyebrows rose up to his hairline.

"Dude! That's awesome! ...Seriously, though, it was over-kill."

"It got right into my ear, I wasn't about to show mercy!"

"Stone cold killer."

"I'm terrible. Lock me up." Barry said, deadpan.

"If he can do that to a fly, what does that say about his abilities in a fight?" Felicity spoke worriedly, leaning closer to him to be heard, "Is he holding back all the time? What happens if he can't control himself?"

Oliver glanced Barry and back to her, thinking of words to reply with.

Barry and Cisco, still bickering, seeming to have not heard Felicity's hushed words, drew Oliver's attention back to them when Barry jibbed, "I have failed this city. Put me out of my misery so I can bug no more."

Heaving a sigh, Oliver stooped down to pick up Felicity's tablet, noting that the corner of the screen cracked in the fall. "We need to help him hone when too much is too much and vis a vis. I don't think he understands the magnitude of his abilities, just yet." The blond righted himself and pushed the tablet into Felicity's hands, "But I think, subconsciously, he's limiting himself. He knows physics. He knows how much damage momentum and speed can cause. I'm not sure he's connected it consciously. That he's speed, itself. When he does, we'll have one hell of an ally."

"I'm surprised you haven't mentioned the flip. Him switching on us." Diggle murmured quietly, hushed as they had been speaking before, having walked up and listened in to the start of the conversation, presumably. Oliver didn't feel too bad about not noticing him-as opposed to Cisco, the man was a trained soldier, and very good at stealth. This didn't stop Oliver from rubbing his still ringing ears, with a grimace.

After a few more beats went by, Oliver spoke up again, leaning forward to be heard over the sound of Cisco and Barry laughing, "An eclipse can never truly blot out the sun, can it?"

"That was almost philosophical," Diggle raised his eyebrows and over exaggerated an impressed twist to his lips. Oliver rolled his eyes and bumped Diggle's shoulder with his own, playfully.

"He's been through so much already," Felicity commented, rubbing the pad of her thumb over the cracks in her screen with a frown, "We can be there for him just in case. Be his support group. He can't exactly talk to his foster family about the kinds of things he sees being a vigilante and them to get it-the responsibilities. The...pressure. We can."

"So that's our contingency plan for him going dark. Our friendship." Oliver stated flatly.

"That's basically it. You seemed to have faith in him in your spiel before." Diggle ribbed.

The archer rubbed a hand over his face, "I suppose you're right. We won't let him go far enough to have to have an actual contingency plan. I want to keep him as a friend, not an asset or a pawn."

"Aw. Look at little Oliver, all grown up." Felicity smiled sweetly at him, miming wiping a tear from her eye. Oliver's flat stare from before made a reappearance.

"I mean, not that you aren't already grown. You-You're very big." Felicity stumbled out. Both of Oliver's eyebrows rose, and a snort sounded in front of them. Diggle nodded to Cisco and Barry in acknowledgement.

Felicity's eyes widened, "I mean! I didn't mean, I mean-not that you're not big in the, the...you know I mean, I wouldn't know-I meant you're just a large man! In general!"

Barry just smiled encouragingly. Oliver looked decidedly more amused than put out.

"You have nothing to prove!" Felicity finished, squeaking out.

"Oh man," Cisco said, tossing his empty sucker stick at the trash can, "And I thought you were the only person I knew to put a foot in their mouth like that, Barry. But no, no-that was spectacular. On a whole new level. Impresionante, realmente."

Felicity giggled, high pitched and nervous.

Oliver wondered why he put up with this group, and when Diggle bumped his shoulder back with his own, he felt the easy sense of comradery around him and he knew: he wouldn't give this up even if he wanted to.

"Ca~aitlin, there you are! I need you to check if my ears are bleeding." Cisco called out to the biologist who had just made her way into the warehouse door near them.

Oliver then wondered if he could get away with terrorising Cisco with arrows… just a little bit. Barry looked at him, amused, and shook his head, seeming to know his train of thoughts.

"Back to work," Oliver grazed out, turning to walk back to the van, hearing exasperated sighs behind him.

-x-

 **As always, my stuff isn't beta'd so I kinda...squint and tilt my head at my writing for a couple of hours and hope for the best. So feel free to point anything out!**

 **Any requests?**

 **And reviews are love.**


	3. I've Got Another Puzzle For You

**A/N: Oliver should really pay attention to what bottle he's grabbing.**

 **Gen, casual dick talk, text speak**

 **Also I low key love social media in fanfics.**

-x-

❯Received from Man in Tights 09:34: barry

❮Sent 09:35: ollie

❯ you're a science nerd

❮ flatterer

❯ how would one get tanning lotion off quickly

❮ ? wash it

❮ mb baking soda

❮ or coconut oil n major exfoliating

❯ sensitive skin areas

❮ ...hmmm

❮ sensitive...like ur face?

❯ ...

❮ well i mean

❮ wait

❮ no

❮ no way

❯ so I may have been a little tipsy with someone and grabbed tanning lotion instead of lube

❮ ollie no

❮ does tht mean theres some1 w/ matching orange genitals

❯ so do you know how to get it off or not

❮ wait no i dont believe u

❮ pics or it didnt happen

❯ are you serious

❮ deadly

❮ y do u need tanning lotion anyway

❯ [received image attachment]

❮ wow i didnt think ud actually send me a dick pic

❯ is that not what you asked

❮ yes well

❮ didnt think ud do it

❮ id say nice pic but u kno

❮ orange

❮ staring me in the face

❮ cant take it seriously lmao

❯ barry

❮ oompa loompa

❯ barry no

❮ doompadee do

❯ no willy wonka references

❮ k fine

❯ how does one remove orange from penis

❮ honestly id just let it fade

❮ obv keep it v clean

❮ shld b fine

❯ how am I going to explain this

❮ u can go w/o sex 4 a week or 2 i believe in u

❮ but 1st

❮ walk into the club like yo whaddup my dick is orange

❯ I am not amused

❮ im screen shotting all of this k thnxbye

❯ barry don't you dare

❮ 8D


	4. Not Quite Island of Lost Dreams

**A/N: So Cisco's that kind crazy scientist now. Someone help him.**

 **Team Arrow is just in constant states of varying alarm when it comes to Team Flash.**

 **What's a drabble series without a "whoops they all turned into animals" bit?**

 **-x-**

"We got your message asking for help. What's the situation?" Oliver called out, before turning the corner into STAR Lab's main cortex, Felicity and Diggle following. Before Oliver could steel himself, 140 pounds of fur and lean muscle tackled him to the floor.

It took the archer a few moments after his head stopped spinning to process that there was a weight on his chest. He squinted, almost cross-eyed, to see two massive clawed paws covering his pectorals.

Following the lean lines of furry legs from the paws, past a muscular chest, and up to the creature's face, Oliver recoiled as he realised a fully grown cheetah was staring him cooly in the eye.

Distracted by movement behind the wild cat, Oliver chanced a glance behind it to see a long tail flicking back and forth. The cheetah extended its claws and pressed lightly against his shirt, poised for danger, but not quite following through with it. Pay attention to me, the creature seemed to have said with the action. Studying the creature's face, Oliver felt familiarity tugging at the edge of his mind at the animal's big green eyes.

From Oliver's peripheral, he could see Diggle drawing his gun and levelling it at the big cat. The cheetah, however, seemed to notice the gun, too. Oliver felt the creature's claws press into his shirt more, threatening to draw blood. Oliver idly wondered if it would have pulls in the fabric while the more conscious part of his brain had him hold his breath and stay as still as he could. The cheetah locked eyes with Diggle, bared its teeth, and then let out a long threatening low growl.

"Oh crap! Don't shoot!" Cisco's voice called out to them, panicked, from somewhere behind the cheetah on his chest. Oliver saw Diggle holster his gun, felt the cat's claws retract completely, and the animal's attention return to him with an amused look on its face. If animals could look so humanly amused.

"What-" Oliver began, before the cat lowered its head, causing the blond to tense; watching as the cat's jaw opened, letting sharp white canines gleam dangerously. Against his better judgment, Oliver screwed his eyes shut.

He felt a warm, wet, sand paper-y thing run across his face, causing the blond's eyes to fly open. The cat then sat back on its haunches, in-between Oliver's still splayed legs.

Oliver slowly sat up, staring dumbly at the now self-satisfied look on the cat's face. Brows furrowed, he looked up at Cisco, who still looked mildly panicked, now noticing the fox draped over his shoulders.

Movement from Cisco's other side alerted Oliver to a large, completely white wolf with calculating blue eyes, stalking forward.

Oliver let his vision go back to the first wild animal he came into contact with, to see its ears flicker and pivot, seemingly in response to the wolf's approach. The two animals met each other's gaze, and the cheetah let its tongue loll out of its mouth happily.

Did...cats do that?

"Can someone explain what this is. Now." Oliver ground out, grabbing Diggle's out stretched hand and standing up, brushing off his pants and then plucking at his shirt, ascertaining the damage done.

"Well." Cisco started, when a snowy barn owl fluttered over and settled on a computer monitor closest to Felicity, who's jaw dropped in awe.

"I'm," Cisco gestured helplessly, jostling the fox on his shoulder, causing it to nip his earlobe in annoyance.

"Lisa-quit that, that hurts," Cisco tried to glare sullenly, before addressing Team Arrow again, "I'm a little out of my depth here."

"The-" Oliver cut himself off, squinting as a moving black dot made its way onto the white wolf's paw. The wolf snorted at it, ducked its head to gently pick up the thing with its canines, and dropped the dot on its back.

"Is that a fire salamander?" Felicity asked, stepping closer to see, but stopped when the cheetah and white wolf both pinned her with a stare.

"Yes, STAR Labs is now a zoo. I'm that kind of crazy scientist now. Now that this is established. Can we please figure out how to get them back?" Cisco practically whined.

"Back?" Diggle echoed, still eyeing the cheetah warily.

Cisco blew out a sigh, not even reacting when the fox flicked its tail playfully in his face.

"Introductions, right. Lisa," Cisco jerked a thumb at the fox on his shoulder, then continued.

"The owl is Caitlin."

"What."

"That's Barry."

Oliver's brows furrowed as he followed Cisco's finger to the cheetah.

"Oh, you little shit." Oliver grumbled.

Barry just chuckled. Could cheetahs chuckle? It was a near thing.

The wolf regarded him with a cool stare.

"I'm guessing the wolf is Snart."

"Bingo."

"Is-" Felicity broke out into giggles, "Is that tiny little fire salamander on Snart's shoulder Rory? That-That's hilarious!"

Oliver just ignored when the wolf's mouth twitched up into something like a smirk. Because that absolutely wasn't possible.

"You know, because he's so tiny now! He's usually a big guy. Like a really big guy." Felicity trailed off, as she noticed Cheetah-Barry wiggling where his eyebrows would be if they were defined like a human's were.

"Not like that!" Felicity stumbled out. Oliver shook his head, far used to Felicity's...awkward by now.

"Dare I ask, why are Barry, Caitlin, and three Rogues...animals?" Oliver ground out, annoyed at having to go through great pain to pull the answers from Cisco.

"Well, Mardon is here too. And so is Bivolo. But Biv is a mantis shrimp and Mardon is an eel."

"What?"

"They're in separate tanks. Shawna is...somewhere. I think. She's a chameleon. Walker is a hyena."

"That..."

"But rest assured when he wouldn't stop laughing, Snart grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and dragged him somewhere else in the labs."

"Cisco, are you okay?"

"It's been a day." Cisco mumbled. Lisa nipped at his jaw. Cisco just sighed in response and ran his hand through his hair. He then gently untangled Lisa and dumped her on Felicity's shoulders, "I need to take a whiz. Watch them." And he flounced out of the room.

Felicity stood deathly still as Lisa not-so-gently smacked her tail in the blonde's face as she jumped to the ground and made her way over to Barry and Len, settling in between them.

"Anyone else feel like they've walked into the Twilight Zone?" Diggle mumbled to Oliver's left.

Felicity flinched when she felt air being displaced near her ear as Caitlin swooped off of the monitors and into a lazy circle around them, flapping her long wingspan up and pushing herself into the rafters. Owl-Caitlin then cocked her head at all of them from above.

"...Yes. Yep. This is definitely the weirdest thing that's happened recently." Felicity agreed, staring up at Caitlin's unblinking eyes.

"Don't jinx it. I swear any time one of us says that, something weird happens later to top it." Diggle all but hissed, "Especially in Central."

-x-

 **Hi my name is Aislynn and I can't write Flash fanfic without bringing Len and/or the Rogues into it (hiiiii aislynn)**

 **On a side note, this one has the potential to turn into it's own story... we'll see.**


	5. Jailbreak: Phone Edition

**A/N: Cisco makes some not-so-legal improvements to Barry's phone. But really, no one's complaining. Texts are, after all, more convenient. Even if you are a serial texter.**

 **Suppose this'd have to come somewhere before chapter 3.**

-x-

"Heeeey, Cisco?"

"What's up?"

"You're the technology expert, right?"

"Flattery will get you everywhere. What's up, dude?"

Barry grimaced and held up his phone, "I froze it."

Cisco frowned, "Uh. Have you...tried turning it off and on again?"

Barry levelled him with an unamused stare. "Yes, but I keep crashing it whenever I try to text. My thumbs go a little over board and either the phone overheats or I freeze the operating system by entering commands too quickly; the phone thinks it's all at once." He explained, setting his phone down on the table.

Cisco looked intrigued, "I wonder if we can speed up the input on your keyboard?"

"As long as you don't piss off my network provider, I'm fine with you trying anything. If you think general lag is bad, try having accelerated thoughts." Barry rubbed his hands over his face, "Augh, these days I find myself getting impatient microwaving minute meals. Anything to lessen waiting times-I'm all for it."

"Cool! I'll get this back to you in a couple of days, then." Cisco promised. He looked at the phone and looked at Barry, "So does that also include video buffering?"

Barry scowled, "Absolutely. I thought I was a patient person before. I really did." He sighed and looked down at his watch, "I'm-late for work! Bye, Cisco, I'll meet you at Jitters for lunch?" Barry barrelled through, grabbing his jacket and his bag, then backed out of the room slowly, waiting for Cisco's response.

"Yep, hasta luego, Speedy Gonzalez." Cisco saluted Barry jauntily.

Barry gave a wide smile in response and turned on his heel, only narrowly missing running into the door frame.

Cisco laughed, "Some things never change." He commented to himself, having heard from Iris (one of the many times she sat at Barry's bedside) that he was clumsy before the lightning. He cracked his fingers and set Barry's phone next to his desktop computer, plugging the phone in with one of his USB cords he had on hand.

"Let's do this." Cisco said, hyping himself up and wiggling his fingers maniacally.

-x-

Felicity looked down at her phone that had started buzzing nonstop. She made to answer, assuming it was a phone call-but saw it was a flurry of texts instead.

Barry? Now Felicity was confused. She remembered some odd weeks ago why Barry never texted.

("Calling is a lot faster for me. I freeze my phone texting-it's kinda frustrating. I mean, you can text me if you want but I'll probably call instead of text back about it." Barry shrugged. Felicity had noticed Barry tended to do that before he explained. The few times he had texted her was garbled letters and horribly flawed text-speak.)

❯ Received from Barry Allen: ayyy

❯ hey hi

❯ cisco made nerd love magic & sped up my phone

❯ guess who'a back

❯ back again

❯ who's*

❯but yeah can text again

❯ im like all the cool kids now

❯ [sunglasses emoji]

Felicity just let out a laugh.

"What are you giggling over?" Oliver grumbled, fighting with the seam on his Arrow boots.

"Nothing," the blonde answered, figuring Oliver would find out sooner or later.

Felicity just giggled again at his incredulous look when Oliver's phone started buzzing non-stop on the table.


	6. If You Are Wise You'll Listen To Me

**As hinted by the title, continuation of chapter 3, "I've Got Another Puzzle For You". So, more casual dick and sex talk, as well as nudes.**  
 **Because what friendship isn't complete without gassing each other up? Aye. And remember when I said I "low key" loved social media in fanfic? I meant high key.**

 ** _Also_ I'm sorry if Barry's text speak is irritating but I just imagine him trying to take every short cut he can to take less time**  
 **I mean I'm not going into extremes with it because I would annoy myself, to be honest.**

 **-x-**

❮Sent to vroomvroom 12:32: Barry

❯Received 12:33: hmm

❮ [sent image attachment]

❮ It's finally back to a normal colour

❯ oh wow um

❯ just wow. ok that 1 is actually p hot.

❯ why r u makin a hang 10 gesture tho

❯ is tht a cali thing

❮ I'm not? I'm just lifting up my shirt

❮ Oh I guess it does kind of look like...Listen just because I live in California

❯ i cant believe u actually posed for this, abs n all

❯ tht hip bone tho

❯ damn come on

❯ like it doesnt look half assed

❯ definitely not half cocked [lmao emoji]

❯ like-i thought u might hve gotten the rong #?

❯ wtf ollie how do u get off hvin an attractive dick when most genitalia is not attractive

❮ Well I do get off

❯ i walked into tht 1

❮ And I do have to thank you you're very much helping my ego

❯ like it needed any help

❮ But you look good, too, Barry

❯ ?

❮ Objectivity.

❯ uve lost me

❮ Your dick Barry

❮ Your schlong

❮ "Tralala"

❯ ffs pls stop

❯ when hve u ever seen me naked tf

❮ We've showered together? After the shit show that was the Trickster Duo in Starling, you, me, Dig, and Roy were in the communal shower scrubbing weird gunk off

❯ oh yes tht

❯ when i felt like the tiniest thing ever

❯ im so salty u dont understand

❯ im taller than all of u

❯ n yet all of ur bulkiness makes me feel like a bean pole again

❯ i swear im not! i hve muscle now :(

❮ Do you?

❯ :(

❮ Well your upper-body is pretty trim and lean compared to ours, yeah, but your thighs are killer.

❮ Like killer. You could probably crush a man's skull in between them.

❮ And they'd probably be fun to play with. Or to have wrapped around a waist

❯ omg ollie

❮ I mean if I were into that

❯ ollie

❮ And I'm not.

❯ ollie

❮ Objectivity you're very hot

❯ you've imagined my thighs wrapped around you? :^)

❮ Barry you little shit

❮ We all have odd sex dreams about our friends ok

❯ awww the 1st time he admits were friends and its in the same sentence as "sex dreams"

❯ at least take me to dinner 1st

❯ n if i were adept at dick jokes this is where id say "n then ud see im not little" but ya knoww

❮ Barry shut up ok

❮ It took three weeks for that orange to completely go away

❮ So three weeks of abstinence

❯ u poor beautiful man child

❮ So my libido was just confused ok

❯ am i ur gay awakening ollie

❮ Barry what the hell

❯ dont b shyyyy

❯ watch out ppl of Starling, play boy billionaire™ oliver queen has recently realised he is also into men. no 1 is safe. hide ur kids. hide ur husbands and wives. he seducin every1 out here.

❮ Barry no I'm very much into women

❮ Was very much into them last night, in fact

❯ ew ollie tmi

❯ i dont want to hear fragile masculinity fuelled straight sex

❯ i dont give u details when i do the do damn

❯ unlike some ppl i dont have to go every other day in order to keep my sanity n not question my sexuality

❮ It was a dream it meant nothing

❮ Since when have you gotten any since I've known you.

❯ ok.

❯ ok rude.

❯ i was in a coma 4 9 of the 1st months u knew me, ok, in my defence.

❯ n the subconscious knows what it wants

❯ did u think of me when u were taking tht "selfie"

❯ 8)

❮ I did take it to send to you

❯ i feel so special lmao

❯ he posed just for me

❯ swoon

❯ so u were thinking of me 8D

❯ u sure ur straight?

❮ Barry

❯ shut up?

❮ Yes

❯ ...

❮ Just say it

❯ can i put "oliver queen's gay awakening" on my resume

❮ I'm really not gay. I'm into chicks.

❯ as uve said be4

❯ but theres this magical thing called a spectrum of sexuality

❯ n this other magical thing called "u can still like woman n men"

❯ 2 dumb it down u could b like 90/10, preference 4 women

❮ ...Hm

❮ I'm guessing you know yours

❯ my what?

❯ my sexuality?

❯ dude im bi

❯ if u have any questions or just want to talk abt it im here 4 u

❮ Thanks, Barry.

❯ conversely if u want me 2 judge ur nudes be4 u send them 2 other ppl im still here 4 u

❮ Well doesn't that seem unfair?

❯ ?

❮ I've already sent you two dick picks and I haven't gotten any in return

❮ Granted the first one looked like a glorified cheeto

❯ oh

❯ oh no im not

❯ not good at that

❮ The only way to get better is practice

❮ [eye emoji]

❯ ollie it almost sounds like you want my nudes

❮ Back when I was in college with Tommy we were part of this group chat where we just sent each other nudes and talked about dumb shit

❮ I kinda miss it

❮ I don't know but it was fun and body positive so

❯ is tht why there was so many of ur nudes leaked

❮ Yeah probably

❯ i mean they were gone n the accounts were suspended after

❯ damn i forgot abt that until now

❯ i was still in highschool

❯ u shld hve heard the girls it was bizarre

❯ idk abt a group chat or even taking nudes

❯ i hve a lot of scars

❮ So do I

❯ ok but on u they look hot

❯ mine r large n in charge

❮ You're deflecting

❮ This is why a body positive nude group chat would be good for you

❮ [sent image attachment]

❯ did u just send me a gotdamn 'send nudes' meme

❮ Tommy's been introducing me to memes

❯ ofc he has

❯ hes corrupting u ollie

❯ stay in the light theres no going back

❮ I sent him a screenshot of this and he says "thank you"

❮ He is also down for the nude group chat

❯ am i being peer pressured into this

❮ 8D

❮ Also I thought you said you were down for more nudes from me

❯ did u just use my emoji against me

❯ asdffijdjjd fine u make a compelling point

❯ oo shit hold on i went over my lunch break gotta go

❮ [eggplant emoji] [tongue emoji] [water emoji]

❮ Bye Barry [bye emoji]

❯ oh my god tommy really is corrupting u

-x-

 **I tried to break up the texts better but ffnet hates double dashes, dashes, lines, double spaced format, everything-you know, I can't win. I was lucky enough to find greater than/less than symbols that didn't disappear on me. Oh well I guess.**

 **Part of me wants to do another continuation with Iris looking through Barry's saved pictures and she just sees both dick pics. "Barry? What? Wait... I recognise those abs... BARRY WHAT? Wait why is this one orange"**

 **All emoji names are the words you type in when the "Predictive Text" suggests you an emoji to use instead of the word you just typed. In case anyone was confused by that.**


	7. Hold, Please

**Ch. Summary: So, not every day is some life threatening disaster with an end-boss level like villain. But that doesn't mean Barry's not busy, and sometimes his sister kind of... drives him up the wall. And if Cisco makes another song reference about a telephone, Barry is just going to quit all Wednesdays for the foreseeable future.**

 **A/N: Not the best, but I'm trying to get my writing groove back. Enjoy!**

-x-

So far Flash had happened on a suspect resisting detainment by attempting to pants the arresting officer, a group of preteens-who couldn't actually drive-trying to commit grand theft auto with bobby pins (safe to say, it didn't work, and he just dropped them off at their parents' houses), Axel Walker-who was defacing public property with a bedazzler ( " _Heyya, Flasher! See, someone tagged this building but I thought their artwork needed some sprucing up! So, really, I'm doing a justice to this community!_ " ), and three cases of petty theft in increasingly strange places (who robs a container store?), two dog burglars, five very specific misdemeanors, what would have been a fatal traffic violation, and (finally) a break in at a bedding company. The last, he had been dealing with for the past half hour now.

 _Today's been just a hell of a day, and it's barely two o'clock_ , Barry thought to himself incredulously, tying an honest to God goon in a jester hat up with superspeed. He didn't know what it was about Wednesdays, but apparently the day brought out a whole lot of… weirdos.

"Hey, so, Iris has been calling you non-stop for the past ten minutes," Came Cisco's voice, buzzing through the comms. Barry furrowed his eyebrows, having ducked into a crotch to avoid a chair that was thrown at him by an angry looking female bodybuilder with scales painted up and down her bare forearms. _I'm a little busy, Iris! What could she possibly wan-oh. I was supposed to meet her for brunch to help her with that essay. Oh shit_ , Barry abruptly stood, startling the smallest of the bodybuilder's underlings, causing the boy in a mouse suit-Barry can't make this up, he wishes he could-to trip backwards on an empty cardboard box and sending him careening into the bodybuilder herself. In a stroke of pure luck (for Barry) this caused the woman to slip also and knock herself out on the conveyor belt. The conveyor belt that was still running. With a janitor tied up and strapped it. Typical.

Barry let his eyes flicker over to the janitor who was very slowly inching his way to an animated assembly line. Calculating how much time he had to subdue the rest of the group before the janitor could reach that point, Barry had only just turned in time to see one of the woman's thugs charging at him. Barry let the world around him slow, feeling a slipstream form about his person as he easily dodged the man and positioned himself on the man's other side. Barry blinked and his perception slowed down once more and the world sped up to meet him.

"Oo-um. Can you patch her through the comms and just...stay silent so she can't hear you?" Barry asked, breathlessly as he grabbed the leg of the particularly bulky thug in-(someone help Barry)-some sort of holographic mash up of something that might have been regal looking if the ensemble didn't scream 'Prince Poppycock reject costume', pivoted on the balls of his feet, and threw him into several cardboard cases of feather down blankets.

Because, apparently, robbing feather and blanket manufacturing warehouses was cool now. _In their defense_ , Barry thought, righting himself and wiping sweat off of his brow, _Pillows are pretty expensive. Although, it doesn't explain the… theme._

"Uh, sure dude. _Un momento_ ," Cisco replied after a couple of beats, clicking his tongue against his teeth as he fiddled with the system. Barry heard a couple of clicks, heavy static, and then-

" _Bartholomew Henry Allen!_ " Lovely.

"Hey, I," Flash started, ducking another goon's punch.

" _You have some nerve. You missed breakfast this morning._ " Her voice was taking on a shrill quality that Barry wasn't overly fond of.

"Sorry, I-" Flash dropped to the ground and kicked out his leg, swiping the assilent's legs out from underneath them, making them groan loudly in pain, "-overslept." He spoke the last word loudly, hoping to drown out the background noise. There was a beat of silence and then another guy ran at him.

" _Of course you-uh. Barry? What was that?_ " Iris' impatient tone turned curious.

Barry had punched that guy solidly in the chest and it had made a satisfying thump, _that apparently Iris can hear? Who made these microphones, Hartley?_

"I, uh, ran into someone," Barry got out, and sped to the janitor, untying him and setting him on even footing. The janitor nodded at him and pulled out his mobile, presumably to call the police to pick up the plethora of oddly dressed unconscious thugs. Which, Cisco probably had already done anonymously, but it didn't hurt to be extra thorough.

Flash waved jauntily at the janitor and made to speed back to STAR Labs. Of course, a quarter of the way there Barry noticed something going down at the gas station at his immediate left. _Better to be safe than sorry_ , Barry thought, deciding to investigate further.

Coming to a stop, he saw three men in ski masks. _Of… course._ Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Barry flashed into the corner store and clicked his tongue. The cashier slumped in relief, stumbling backwards and holding himself up on a shelf.

" _Well, you're being rude-ignoring your sister._ " Iris ground out. Barry probably had missed something she had said before.

"I'm not ignoring you! Don't be ridiculous!" Flash admonished, maybe a bit louder than he intended. The robbers hitting the corner store looked at him oddly, one of them even asking the cashier, "Is he talking to us?" Barry waved them off, mouthing, 'not you.' The one with the ski mask nodded slowly while the one with the bandana around the lower half of his face looked incredulous.

"Hold on, I'm going to have to talk to you later," Barry rubbed his hands over his face and pressed his hand over the back of his comm link twice in a row, muting his side.

"Uh, excuse me. That was rude, sorry. Anyway, why don't we just call this a day, maybe? Make this easier on all of us and turn yourselves in?" Barry questioned. Not that tactic ever worked but. It never hurt to try.

" _Barry Allen, did you just mute me?_ " Barry grimaced at Iris' voice, but studiously ignored her in favour of looking at the robbers expectantly.

"And what's in it for us?" One of the masked robbers asked.

"A lighter sentence and possible waived misdemeanor charge versus the sentence you would have gotten if you were inevitably caught?" Barry pointed out, "You guys look pretty young," he continued, with a frown.

"I recognise the bandana asshole in the middle, it's my dumbass cousin. He's seventeen," The cashier spoke, arms crossed and standing straighter, having gotten over being startled.

Barry blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of his nose.

.

.

.

Surprisingly, the situation turned out better than Barry had thought. After one of the masked guys had been identified, the cousin of the cashier took off his ski mask and burst into tears, falling to the floor and clinging to Barry's leg, sobbing about not wanting to go to jail and, "I just wanted to be cool and join their gang!"

The officers called to the scene looked as perplexed as Barry awkwardly patted the boy koala-holding his leg on the back.

Needless to say, the small gang initiation didn't go as planned.

-x-

Barry stepped out of the gas station after giving his statement and double tapped his comms, "Hey, I think I'm-"

" _Barry_." Iris' voice came, sounding very irritated.

Barry stopped cold. He had muted his comms for a good twenty minutes. He had really expected Iris to have hung up on him. Never underestimate Iris' stubbornness, he reminded himself. He could almost picture her having put him on speakerphone the moment he muted his mic to work on a report for one of her classes, not hanging up so she could continue grilling him. Sisters.

"Ha, sorry about that. I, uh, had to deal with, you know. Work." Barry stumbled out.

" _Mmmhmm_ ," The amount of sass in those drawn out syllables made Barry cringe. She was definitely going to have it out for his ass later. Sucking in a breath, he pulled the speed force into himself; feeling lightening burn his eyes, shoot down his legs, and then he was off.

-x-

Upon reaching STAR Labs, his comm link went off again.

" _Just_ what _was that loud static noise?_ " Iris asked harshly, having been startled by the offending noise. It took Barry a couple of seconds to figure out exactly which offending noise she was on about, but (given that he was never a slow thinker before the lightning) it didn't take him long to figure it out.

So the static interference from his running wasn't filtered out when transferred to mobile devices like it was for the communication channels. They would have to fix that. And by 'they' Barry meant Cisco.

"Sorry, I was going through a tunnel." Barry excused, causing Cisco to look up at him from his latest project.

" _What? Barry, what in the world_ -" Now, in the Cortex, Barry noticed that both Iris' voice and his own echoed on the communication hub. _Poor Cisco._

"Actually, I'm _still…_ going through the _tunnel_ ," Barry spoke, stressing his words and giving Cisco a meaningful look, making a 'cut it' gesture with his hand near his neck. Cisco lit up and posed dramatically with his fingers near the control panel.

" _Barry, don't you dar_ -" Yeah, Iris was going to kill him later.

-x-

 _Bonus:_ "Can call all you want, but there's no one home, and you're not gonna reach my telephone!" Cisco belted loudly.

"Cisco." Barry moaned, laying sprawled face down on the floor for-God, what?-the fifth time that day?

"Sorry, but dude. It's stuck in my head now," Cisco spoke, absolutely unapologetically.


End file.
